Enzo here with a quick article on the real meaning of leadership with women and in life in general. When some one tells you to lead the interaction with a women what comes to mind? The average person today understands leading only as a cause and effect relationship; when some one follows some one else is leading. Most people can recognize the effect but very few have a crystal clear picture of the cause.
So if I had to sum up the essence of leadership in one phrase how would I do it?
TO LEAD IS TO GO FIRST.
The problem with the contemporary view of leading is that it is based on results. We judge a leaders effectiveness on the results he produces and the amount of people he leads and thus fail to recognize our own capability to become great leaders. Our own vision of personal leadership is based on results, so we assume that we lack the gusto to lead because people usually aren't following us. When all along we were looking at the equation backwards.
With women you always want to be that "first guy". The first guy to go over and talk to her and her group, the first guy to suggest they meet your friends, the first guy to initiate physical escalation etc etc. This is the essence of leadership, you don't lead the cavalry charge by going into battle the last, you do it by going into battle first and inspiring others to do as you do by setting an example.
When you go first, you take total responsibility for where you are going and you give the women a choice, follow and be wooed or don't follow and miss up an opportunity with a man that understands the true meaning of leadership. For most women this becomes an easy decision assuming you don't come off as try hard.
With this principle in mind, you're going to find that you come off much more daring and dominant around women, but there's a second concept that needs to be addressed.
LEADERS BEGIN WITH THE DIRTY WORK.
The key to leading people is to give them a reason to follow you. No one really needs some one else to lead them into a lukewarm pool, that's easy there's no resistance in them to doing that. However, if the water is really hot or really cold, seeing some one else do it first motivates people to do it themselves and once you've motivated people to do it themselves, you've taken a leadership role.
Why am I bringing this up for your romantic life?
When talking to just women, its easy to do some of the dirty work initially and establish that you are leading. Walking up to a women in a bar and introducing yourself IS dirty work, you're risking rejection-something she feels hesitant to do no matter how attractive a man is. In doing so you're showing her that the pool of cold water ( opening up, and flirting with a stranger ) is something that she CAN do-she just needs to follow your lead.
But when you're interacting with a group of girls and guys and the apple of your eye happens to be part of this group, things can get more complex. I've seen guys screw situations like this up because they tried to lead the entire group without doing any dirty work for the guys. This is where to be successful you need to become the leader of men, you can accomplish this through a number of different ways.
See if these guys are waiting on drinks or trying to order and take it into your own hands to loudly demand service. At most clubs and bars, if you act VIP, the staff and other patrons will treat you like VIP, its a great trick for getting service before others, and providing for your new friend's. Another easy way to get this handled is to bring them more women. Take the initiative, go introduce yourself to some cute girls at the bar and bring them over and introduce them to the guys of the group. If done properly these two things alone will have the men following your lead unconciously because you will have manned up and finished the dirty work they didnt want to do.
From there you can now lead the whole group and watch the girl you're interested in go crazy over your ability to win over and lead her and her friends.
Finally, when working with this concept remember the job of a real leader is to inspire others to lead themselves. If you notice the girl taking initiative to get you back to her place (which a lot of them will do, after you've shown how awesome you can be) or another dude taking initiative for the whole group after you've done your job, let them. This all just looks better on you. You dont have to be constantly doing the dirty work, once you've done it for people once they'll look for ways to make it up to you.
So if I had to sum up the essence of leadership in one phrase how would I do it?
TO LEAD IS TO GO FIRST.
The problem with the contemporary view of leading is that it is based on results. We judge a leaders effectiveness on the results he produces and the amount of people he leads and thus fail to recognize our own capability to become great leaders. Our own vision of personal leadership is based on results, so we assume that we lack the gusto to lead because people usually aren't following us. When all along we were looking at the equation backwards.
With women you always want to be that "first guy". The first guy to go over and talk to her and her group, the first guy to suggest they meet your friends, the first guy to initiate physical escalation etc etc. This is the essence of leadership, you don't lead the cavalry charge by going into battle the last, you do it by going into battle first and inspiring others to do as you do by setting an example.
When you go first, you take total responsibility for where you are going and you give the women a choice, follow and be wooed or don't follow and miss up an opportunity with a man that understands the true meaning of leadership. For most women this becomes an easy decision assuming you don't come off as try hard.
With this principle in mind, you're going to find that you come off much more daring and dominant around women, but there's a second concept that needs to be addressed.
LEADERS BEGIN WITH THE DIRTY WORK.
The key to leading people is to give them a reason to follow you. No one really needs some one else to lead them into a lukewarm pool, that's easy there's no resistance in them to doing that. However, if the water is really hot or really cold, seeing some one else do it first motivates people to do it themselves and once you've motivated people to do it themselves, you've taken a leadership role.
Why am I bringing this up for your romantic life?
When talking to just women, its easy to do some of the dirty work initially and establish that you are leading. Walking up to a women in a bar and introducing yourself IS dirty work, you're risking rejection-something she feels hesitant to do no matter how attractive a man is. In doing so you're showing her that the pool of cold water ( opening up, and flirting with a stranger ) is something that she CAN do-she just needs to follow your lead.
But when you're interacting with a group of girls and guys and the apple of your eye happens to be part of this group, things can get more complex. I've seen guys screw situations like this up because they tried to lead the entire group without doing any dirty work for the guys. This is where to be successful you need to become the leader of men, you can accomplish this through a number of different ways.
See if these guys are waiting on drinks or trying to order and take it into your own hands to loudly demand service. At most clubs and bars, if you act VIP, the staff and other patrons will treat you like VIP, its a great trick for getting service before others, and providing for your new friend's. Another easy way to get this handled is to bring them more women. Take the initiative, go introduce yourself to some cute girls at the bar and bring them over and introduce them to the guys of the group. If done properly these two things alone will have the men following your lead unconciously because you will have manned up and finished the dirty work they didnt want to do.
From there you can now lead the whole group and watch the girl you're interested in go crazy over your ability to win over and lead her and her friends.
Finally, when working with this concept remember the job of a real leader is to inspire others to lead themselves. If you notice the girl taking initiative to get you back to her place (which a lot of them will do, after you've shown how awesome you can be) or another dude taking initiative for the whole group after you've done your job, let them. This all just looks better on you. You dont have to be constantly doing the dirty work, once you've done it for people once they'll look for ways to make it up to you.
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